end of first month

well, if y'all have been staying on track, today is the first day of month two. how is everyone doing thus far? i have lost 6 pounds already, but this is getting difficult and i am rather unmotivated at the moment. this might help though...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64&feature=related


stop slacking assholes!!!

CATS

Cats are apparently the most important part of p90x. Or at least, they think they are. Sheyanne and I did legs and back together today, while being constantly attacked, harassed, and critiqued by the cats. Want to put a foot down? Nope, sorry. Cat there.

IT'S OKAY, IT MAKES IT HARDER, MORE INTENSITY. CATS WANT YOU TO BRING IT.

So does this strawberry. It is the largest strawberry either of us have ever seen, and we could only come to one conclusion. This strawberry is the time traveling reincarnation of Tony Horton, sent back through the very fabric of the universe to keep us EXCITED about BRINGING IT. 

SO WE ARE BRINGING IT. 

WHATEVER IT IS. 

POSSIBLY A PICNIC, OR A NICE GAME OF SCRABBLE. 

THERE'S NO TELLING.

P90X. INTENSE. INSANE. MYSTERIOUS?

-Sean

I am drinking at a party

We have decided that we are failures by ourselves and must police ourselves by working out in groups.

Damn this mimosa is delicious.


My husband berated me earlier for wanting to drink as it shall 'undo all of the work you just did'



I just watched him do a shot of tequila mind you.


Ahem.

The face of someone who hates Plyometrics...

According to Sean, we have to post pictures of ourselves to badger each other into working out. I think he just likes putting sweaty photos of himself on the Internet. Regardless, here's my post-Plyometrics face from yesterday when I was on the urge of vomiting/imploding/hunting down "Man oh Manischewitz" guy and killing him.

Caffeine reduction, plyometrics and tendons, and throwing something extra in the mix

I hate life. 

Today I did plyometrics for the first time in half a year. I felt pretty confident about my achilles holding up to the abuse and happily, nothing in my leg exploded.

I also managed to make it through half the plyometric workout without caffeine, a huge jump from the lackluster energy singularity I was just three days ago. I supplemented at 35 minutes left with one of those FRS quercetin drinks (the apricot nectarine one doesn't taste bad). My goal is to slowly reduce my caffeine intake to nil by next week.


I remember when I watched Matt, Bess, and Sheyanne were doing the plyometrics they all kind of gave up out of disgust at the cheesy "sports-reference" moves towards the end of the workout, and honestly I gave up right about then because I was just fucking beat. I didn't want to completely stop exercising anymore, my legs just couldn't take it after no leg workouts for almost a half a year.

I gave myself a two minute rest after the p90x plyometric workout and finished my caffeine drink, had some water, and started doing the KFM boxing high impact routine I created for when I couldn't use my achilles while working out. Since the plyometric workout focuses almost completely on legs, my arms were still very strong, and I managed the full 8 sets - 1 minute of punching/blocking/kicking/footwork (any one of these or some/all mixed together) with 30 seconds rest.

You can go up to 1 minute of rest, but any higher and after that long plyometric workout beforehand you'll probably start to cool down too much.

On top of getting rid of the stupid "Baseball pitch" "basketball hoop" moves that all of us non-sport fans curl a lip at, I'm certain boston and I could easily build a 1 hour routine to replace the shitty kempo class that we only ended up with half of the video for.

Imagine that, a cardio training workout for a fighting style you might actually be able to use in real life!

OH. EVERYONE ELSE NEEDS TO START POSTING SWEATY AFTER WORKOUT PICTURES.

K. bye.

Falling off the wagon

The past three days have been incredi-stressful. I worked and then quit my VERY short-lived job as a home health caretaker (thank fucking God), ran around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get myself together enough to get a new job, went to the lady-doctor for some lady-problems, and managed to somehow break my AC/get it fixed/break it again on the way home just in time for the middle of July. And on top of all of this, I've had a sore throat and lingering malaise for the past three days that I can't seem to shake.

[FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS]

When I get stressed, I turn to self-pity and self-indulgence. The reason I tried for a straight year to quit smoking is that every time something not-so-good happened to me, I would make excuses as to why I NEEDED THOSE TEN EXTRA CIGARETTES, IF I DIDN'T HAVE THEM I'D GET REALLY PISSY, AND DON'T I FUCKING DESERVE THEM? SHUT UP, I TOTALLY DO, NO REALLY, SHUT UP, GOD YOU'RE OBNOXIOUS, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SMOKE.

I fear the same thing is beginning to happen with this diet. Oddly enough, not so much with the exercise--yes, I've skipped a few days (tonight included, because I felt so ill that I just fell asleep at like 9 PM) but I've at least made efforts to get through an entire workout. Diet? The diet has gone pretty much to hell for the past three days. And now I'm beginning to wonder if this sore throat/malaise stuff is related to that. EUREKA!

I have never ever EVER cared about my health or nutrition. I've always been healthy in the sense that I rarely get sick, and until about a year ago my metabolism was fast enough that I could get away with eating nothing but Mi Casita breakfast burritos, Shiner Black and fast food burgers all day every day. So yeah, that was good enough for me--being 5'6", 125-130 pounds, and eating/drinking whatever the fuck I wanted was really fun. 20 pounds later, here I am, full of self-loathing and apathy, rolling around on the ground post-fall from the wagon.

It's not the past three days that were my fall off the wagon, it's the past four years. Come to think of it, until now, was I ever really ON the damn proverbial wagon in the first place? Balancing health and hedonism is a tall order, and I've never been a very balanced person; my personal little universe tends toward entropy, which is part of what led me to embrace a hedonistic lifestyle while growing up and on into adulthood. When I'm drunk I feel simultaneously like God and the absence of one--I feel so witty and social, so fearless and powerful, as though I could do anything I wanted, and yet my anxieties and fears and aggressive tendencies are also unleashed, and sometimes I just yell and break shit. I feel best about myself when I'm tearing some part of me down, letting some aspect of myself crack and crumble until it sits in a pile on the floor, and throughout the years I've found that drinking And Other Things can be really good outlets for these urges (hence the Freshman 20 I've put on since starting college three years ago.)

But do I really want to be fat and unhealthy for the sake of having fun? Every time I watch that video Sean posted I want to vomit all over everything. I'm at 31% body fat (that is A LOT.) I have no energy when I stray from this diet; I feel sick and ashamed and lazy. But the cool thing is that this first week has taught me that exercise really CAN make you feel good. Before starting P90X I had never really experienced the "post-workout high" that so many people talk about. Surely enough, after the second day (Plyometrics, UGH), I collapsed on my living room floor in a pile of sad and fat and gave myself a few moments of feeling sorry for myself, and then BOOM out of nowhere I felt fucking phenomenal. My muscles were so relaxed and limber and I could feel every inch of my body purging the sleepy lazy years of disuse. My legs and feet were throbbing and I could almost hear them screaming at me, "BESS, YOU FUCKING CUNT, WHY DON'T YOU USE US MORE OFTEN? OH YEAH, BECAUSE YOU LOVE BEER MORE THAN MOST THINGS, INCLUDING US. QUIT IT, YOU TUBBY BITCH."

(It was really a much more poetic moment than I'm making it out to be, but it's four in the morning and I'm not really feeling eloquent and shit right now.)

I digress. My point in all of this is that I think hedonism and health CAN actually coexist, or at least be embraced in the same plane of existence, however begrudgingly. When I do my poorly-executed jab/cross/hook/uppercut combo during Kenpo, I get horribly angry and imagine that I'm actually punching the P90X guy in the dick; then I get super giddy and my mind goes blank. My hedonism has been an outlet for similar feelings--stupid professor, this assignment is fucking dumb and you're a cunt, guess I'll just drink until I'm passionate enough to actually care about it, TAKE THAT YOU COLLEGIATE BITCH. Holy crap guys, they're, like, kind of the same thing? Except that exercise DOESN'T make me fat and, in fact, makes me the opposite?

Enough wagon-falling. Enough beer gut and cellulite and whining. I am not going to punch fat in the face, I am going to knife it and leave it to bleed out in a ditch.

Jesus, I get really violent with my metaphors in the middle of the night. ♥

Words of encouragement from a hedonist

So here I sit, smoking a cigar and watching shitty TV shows having done my P90X for the day, and I got to thinking. "Exercise isn't really as hard as I thought it would be." That's coming from someone who was on a diet of beer, whiskey, and fast food for 3 months straight. Sure, the first few days weren't exactly all sunshine and rainbows, but now I find myself looking forward to doing pull-ups and plyometrics, especially because I'm actually seeing results. The results aren't just from exercise, however, the diet plays a major role in it too.

The diet for P90X is actually pretty nice. Sure, you can't eat bread, but honestly, I haven't really missed it since the day 3. Eating well makes you feel good, and while I do miss bacon something fierce, it's not the end of the world.

I could ramble on, but I'm going to keep this short and sweet since my stories are on. I've found that exercising is motivation in and of itself to exercise more and to push yourself to get healthier and get all swole and shit. If my lazy ass can do it, anyone can. So go do it!

first post

so, i finally figured out how to post on this thing... http://farm3.static.flickr​.com/2362/5752026208_b24c6​920bb_o.gif

that is all


Love
Dillon

p.s. yeah yeah yeah, i am sore as shit too.

Day 1 report

This is what my shit looks like after doing the chest/back and AB RIP-PER X.

I don't actually hurt in the same way/places I normally do from a workout, but I was working with lighter weights and doing higher reps than I'm used to, and since I've been out of it for a couple weeks my overall energy and stamina have lowered, so I probably wasn't working as hard as I could.

However, SWEAT FACTORY OMG (not to mention shaky photo hands).

K. I did it. I'm going to start making posts for some of the other dip-doo-dah's on team Us because they're being lazy and not reporting in (I AM LOOKING AT YOU MATT).

FOR SERIOUS

Ok, so for real for real, I'm actually going to do p90x today. I had to spend a couple days being a mopey bitch and dealing with my chronic fatigue bullshit, but FOR REAL FOR REAL I AM GOING TO DO SOME SHIT.

I think I will start off with the chest/back and AB RIP-PER-X. Seriously, when he says "Ab Ripper X" It sounds like he's trying to 'peh' his 'p' so hard he's giving himself a lip hemorrhage. SPEAKING OF HEMORRHAGING:



Ok, that had nothing to do with hemorrhaging, that was just gross. But didn't it make you want to do some "AB RIP-PER X!?" I bet her abs get ripped too, or at least sometimes develop rip tides.

-Sean

Things that inspire me to work out aside from those fat pictures...

Number one, my fat mom. She looks something like this. If she were feeling fancy and could dig herself out of a pile of box wine. Cortisol levels are all fucked, she has terrible bronchitis so even attempting to loose the weight is not an option. This is not my future. I will kill myself first.



Two, I love acro yoga. I want to be able to do this. All doz bitches that do acro yoga ARE FINE AS HELL. OF COURSE I WILL GRAB YOUR ANKLES, HOT GIRL.



I FUCKING LOVE FOOD. Somewhere inside of me is a morbidly obese sexbot that will have sex and eat wagyu steak off of crying asian boys with flat ironed hair.



Beer has a fuck ton of calories. I am getting my Cicerone training. It will one day be my job to consume endless calories of delicious beer and talk about how awesome it is. 100000000000 calories.

THE END. NOW I NEED A WANK

Sean's 1st post

I'm coming at this project from a different angle than the other members, since I've been an avid workout nut for about 7 years now. I decided to switch from my old workout and start doing P90x with the others because I like changing up exercises to keep from being bored. Also, I tore my achilles 5 months ago and have just now started to feel comfortable doing leg exercises (and plenty of yoga).

One of the things everyone in the crew agreed to was no drinking on the weekdays, and only wine on the weekends. I, however, just decided to jump on this boat, so I'm currently getting ready for my first day of p90x with a god awful whisky hangover. It's actually a whisky hangover that started on Saturday morning when an angry old deaf woman screamed at me to make everyone at the party I'd DJ'd at the night before "MOVE YAOR AARS!"

Eventually I figured out she wanted us to move our cars out of the deaf jesus church's parking lot next door. Then I never got to sleep off the rest of the hangover, and it stayed at my heels all weekend like a golden retriever following anything holding a ball, or that looks like a ball, or gives the impression that it might even say the word "ball" at some point.

Sorry, I seem to have rambled. I started this post talking about alcohol and ended up talking about balls.

*ahem*

I'll be sure to post pictures of my vomit, later.

-Sean

Drunk P90X Commentary

I'm on my 4th/5th/?th glass of wine, so I'll share this:

I've never been in shape. Ever. Not to say that I have always been overweight; I haven't, in fact. I've just never been physically fit.

So now that I'm both slightly overweight AND physically unfit, OH MY GOD THIS SHIT SUCKS.

Everything hurts all the time. LIFE IS PAIN!

And oddly enough, in the beginning my motivation for doing this thing was to look "sexier" or "better" or "_____er"...but now I'm actually feeling like I need to just be a healthier person. Let's see how long my alcoholism and urge to get healthy duke it out! WHO WILL WIN?

BINGE DRINKING vs HEALTH FOOD EATING: FIGHT!

Bess and I

Are making these guys tomorrow.

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=96550

8 egg whites
1 cup Rolled Oats
1/2 cup cottage cheese, fat free
4 scoops Any Whey protein powder
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
½ cup splenda
3 teaspoons cinnamon
1 cup grated carrots
1/3 cup crushed pineapple -- drained

Optional (not included in cal calc)
2 tablespoons raisins -- optional
2 tablespoons almonds -- or walnuts, optional


*Very good with fat free cream cheese frosting recipe from Spark Recipes on top!!



Directions
Combine Egg Whites and next 7 ingredients (Egg Whites to Cinnamon) in a blender. Blend in a blender. Gently fold carrots, pineapples, nuts and raisins.

Spoon batter into muffin pans coated with cooking spray, filling ¾ full. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until golden. Remove from pan immediately.

PUNCHING FAT IN THE FACE

Fad diets.
We gorge ourselves.
We are hedonists.

I think we hedonisted ourselves into a 90 day clusterfuck and detox.

Well, a pseudo detox. We just drink wine on the weekends.

err. yeah.

Collective shame, before and after pictures, recipes and ranting. Maybe even some slam poetry about how much we hate that one guy.

Here are some of our contributors, with a FatBooth picture modification applied. This is me, Sheyanne:



This is my lovely husband, who, while already in amazing shape, decided to join up to shame us.


This is Tits Ahoy, Bess.


And Trouble Matt, who had to quit his 3 malt liquor can a day to start this.



Also contributing is DiLOn who I haven't wrangled into the picture yet.